*Just a small voice out from the buried self of me which people don't really see it. If you find it too much to read you can skip reading it. But if you happened to be so patient and read all of it, I feel grateful and thankful :)*

Yesterday had been a good talk with my friend in the phone for almost 1 hour! Well we can talk a lot and don't care what topic it is lol. As usual, the so-call-not-friendly of me always having a lot of problem to interact with people, and a lot of assignments' problem and relationship with members encounter, I was quite moody. A simple phone call from this best bud although we didn't touch about schooling things and we mainly talked about our future job and gossiping lololololol I was having a good talk with him :) When was the last time I have this kind of comfortable and feeling no stress to speak anything? I don't really recall any when I was in Uni cause I always scared I say something wrong(ok not all the people in Uni but most of them. I am afraid to bump into and don't know what to say so I always avoid myself to bump into them). I always have a phobia to talk in an ease way or else it will end up very awkward. But when times goes on, I started to ignore that and just silent myself instead(like I said, just avoid them). It is the best solution when you are silent and you will not going to start a wrong conversation and offended people. Don't ask me why I became so timid now cause I also don't know the main cause. Maybe, all I can say is I started to see the world differently compare to the old naive me? Haha, life is complicated and human is much more complicated. I don't think I want to get involved in between conversation and I have immune to being a invisible man. Ya this is what I thought. But I can't help to blame myself for what I did to myself and people really starting to forget me. I blame myself not contacting my old friends anymore in an excuse "I am busy with my assignments"; I blame myself I am not that easy to open my heart to see people; I blame myself why I cannot talk freely; I blame myself for whatever reason the current me. I envy to those people that can talk anything without offended people and bring laughter to others. So, friends who have been staying with me, I am really glad you are in my life and don't wish to lose you. You know I don't have much friends except you? ;)

Another thing I rarely talk about is my love life. I have been single for 5 years I think? Lololololol. When we talked about it in the phone, I was surprise anything can happened even in these few years. Some of our friends get a love life for few times, some still struggling like me lol and some, getting married? Wow. All I can say I am impressed by what time can do to us, do to me. Can't denied the pass 5 years I have been in love with someone, secretly or openly, just that it is not the best time getting in relationship or I missed the timing of getting relationship and the list goes on. Right now, I am living alright(in a sense of I still have my family and some close friends accompany me), but I can't help to get jealous to those having relationship. I missed someone to take care of me, hug me, sweet talk with me, share mutual feeling, and etc etc. Although Kpop stars and K-drama both brainwash me about the type of boyfriend I should find lol but actually, I know those things would not happened in reality. Drama is too ideal and those acts only to pleased the audiences and not showing what reality it should be(too much of cinematic studies and immune to those impossible and predicted actions lol). I didn't fantasize it should be good looking like Kim Soo Hyun, gentle and caring like Park Yoo Chun, tall like Lee Min Ho etc etc. I know what I am looking for, although friends around me always said I set my target too high and impossible to achieve. But what? I didn't ok, I always ended up liking someone which is ordinary and have some flaws instead of the imaginary Korean lead actor criteria. Some how I still can't find one after all this while lol maybe I don't have any charm to attract guys anymore lolololololol Should be start worrying instead of laughing myself lol. I am not young anymore okay, I really don't think I have that much time to waste, but when am I going to meet the right one? Hmmm, I need someone to introduce me to someone now lolololololol I sounds so desperate xD 

Anyways, I think I wrote too much than it suppose to, so gonna stop it or else the whole world knows I am a timid who hard to communicate with people yet wanted to find a boyfriend lolololol.

Trying to stay positive and I hope I won't ran out of positive energy,
aLison.